Tools of the trade.

I must really confuse people.

I was at work one day and a lady asked me what I did in school, the conversation went something like this:

Me – I’m in journalism.
Lady – At the U?
Me – No, St. Clair.
Lady – How many years is that.
Me – Two, but I’m just doing one and then transfering the credits to a degree in international studies. (pause) I just want to be a missionary, so I’m trying to get trained up.

That was probably a bit too much information for the poor lady who was just paying for her gas.

Really it seems like my plans change so often that I don’t think any of my friends can even keep track of them. Even the people who know EXACTLY what I PLAN to do may not realize I haven’t got a clue.

I’m learning you can’t hold tight to plans, when your plans are not your own.

I’m about to start the second semester of the journalism program at my local college.  I really enjoyed first semester and I learned a lot.

But speaking about God’s plans, and confusion, and all that jazz - I realized something interesting when I was working on my two major projects of the semester:

Blitz Day – You show up at 7am for the morning meeting, then you go out, you get your interviews and your pictures and you come back, write the story, have it edited three times and hand it in by deadline. So pretty much the whole city of Windsor decides to pull out Murphy’s Law and it’s the most stressful day of your life.

I was writing on a space exhibit at Windsor’s science centre. I interviewed their volunteer president, had a tour of the exhibit and sat down to start writing as I waited for the centre to open. I really wasn’t sure there would be any customers that day. And I really needed a customer perspective, or I really didn’t have a story.

I sat down to write saying, “Ok, God, what are we doing?”

Even before I was set up to start typing the president walked back into the room he’d just left me in, “A school group actually came in while we were having our interview. I can take you to go talk to them.”

I love it when God answers so quickly. It’s like He really wants you to know He’s holding up His side of the conversation.

I don’t know why the coordinator seemed to have forgotten he had a group coming in that day, or why it slipped his mind to tell me. He’d wanted me to come in the day before when he said he had a tour group.

Another thing that was pretty cool. They were a group of sixth graders from a Christian school in a nearby city. I told their teacher that God had just answered my prayer by having them there. (I’m not sure journalists are allowed to say things like that, oh well, my bad.)

They were really sweet kids.

And the thing that confused me about all this? I had a deadline. I had to hurry back and get my story written, edited and submitted.

It was our big day to be real life journalists with our names in print.

 Really though, I just wanted to stick around and hang out with those kids.

And I had the same realization when I was working on my Enterprise. It was worth 25% of our News Writing mark. We were working with partners to write a 2,500 word news article. My partner, Jamila,  and I did ours on breakfast programs. We did tons of research, called dozens of people and arranged a good number of interviews. When we had all we needed we sat down for four hours together one day, and six hours the next, just WRITING. I learned a lot about journalism and really loved that project. We ended up getting a 47 out of 50, and I’ve never been so proud of a mark in my life.

But you know what the best part was? We went to a school. And hung out with children at their breakfast club. I ran around with my camera and took dozens of glamour shots I knew I would never use for my article as the children asked to have their pictures taken. I gave my expensive camera to a little boy and let him try his hand at photography. I sat down beside a group of seventh graders and asked what we were playing for recess. And then I had all my pictures, and all my interviews, and I had to go. Back to the world of big people, where life just isn’t as fun.

I am really excited for this semester. I have classes that should teach me really useful skills to go perfectly with all those plans of mine.

I think the best thing about giving your plans to God is that He knows the desires of your heart more deeply than even you do. So I don’t have to worry when I start seeing where my heart really is. My God’s got this, and He’s bringing me where I need to be.

Last summer was the first summer in three years that I was not a part of summer camp with Urban Promise Toronto.

The summer of 2007 I worked with the downtown youth at Camp Peace YMAD. I carried a red filing box all around the city and was assigned to be the ‘mind’ of a rather scatter brained, yet unconventionally wise supervisor. I enjoyed my role, but overall I don’t think I’d say it was a very ‘fun’ summer for me. Still, I knew God was there. I wanted to be there with Him. So, I knew I’d be back.

Now the summer of 2008 I wasn’t there for just a summer internship, that summer was the start of a year long commitment. My good friend and intern director made a decision that I know was God inspired and moved me to the Camp Peace kids camp. I asked God to give me a heart for my community – and He really did give me a deep love for the community, and the people who form it that only grew stronger as the summer ended and the year went on.

The summer of 2009 should have been the end of my internship, but instead I went into it knowing I would more likely than not stay for the second year internship. One thing I wasn’t expecting that summer was that our funding for a camp director would fall through, and I would for some reason or other be my supervisor’s choice for a replacement. With his constant guidance and encouragement I made it through the summer. Looking back it was probably the hardest summer of my life, but possibly the best so far.

Now about last summer. Last summer was different.

I should have spent it painstakingly searching for a job, but I didn’t. Each week my pastor would ask,

“Got a job yet?”
“Nope.” I’d reply.
“Looking hard yet?”
“Not yet.” I’d tell him with a smile.

Really I was just living for my next trip to Toronto.

Looking back I can see God’s working throughout the summer.

First Pipes told me that she’d been asked to go with a couple of families on their trip to Toronto so that she could babysit the kids at night. She could bring a friend. I told her I couldn’t, I might get a job by then. I asked God to please let me go anyways.

Nearly last minute, Pipes’ friend she’d asked bailed out. Well, I didn’t have a job yet, so I went. We got our own hotel room, and the parents let us take one of their vehicles during the day. We were able to hang out with our streetleaders, our intern friends, and even our kids during that short weekend trip. I went to Thistletown Baptist Church for the first time and the pastor ‘shamed’ me from the pulpit for never having gone before. (You know a pastor’s comfortable with you when he’ll give you a ‘shame on you’ speech in front of his congregation!)

A few weeks after that my family would be going up to the cottage for vacation, so… I didn’t want a job yet.

I kept busy most days, reading books and babysitting my niece.

One day a little girl added me on Facebook, I’d volunteered in her classroom my first year in Toronto. A couple days later her brother was shot and killed. I told her I’d try my best to come see her the next time I was in Toronto.

So many things were pointing to a need for me to go, but it didn’t feel plausible. It didn’t feel like the responsible thing to do. I thought to myself that if I was in Toronto I would feel like the Spirit was leading me to go see this girl. So I prayed. I asked God to make it happen.

Then my old partner Timo sent me a message:

Right now I’m writing cards for Camp peace kids.
Do you want to come on Monday to say Goodbye to them?
I also have the Bibles now.(finally!)

I was so mad at him. I live five hours away from Toronto,  ‘Do you want to come Monday?’ didn’t make sense. Of course I did! Could I? Probably not…

I told him I’d think on it, and I started praying harder, and thinking harder.

Finally I broke down to my mom and told her everything I was thinking. She didn’t seem to think it was as implausible and irresponsible as I did. So I unloaded all of my thoughts and things happened.

The interns were in St. Thomas for the weekend. I asked if I could get a ride back with them from there on the Sunday. I booked a train back and somehow the last minute ticket was half the price I’d expected it to be. I had to be back Wednesday, so the ticket was for Tuesday night.

On the Monday I walked around my old community with my old friend. He gave Bibles and cards to the kids and I told them I was stopping by for a visit, to say good-bye to our friend with them. It was certainly a blessing.

I expected the next day to be a whirlwind, but prayer really does work, and God took care of my time management for me.

I went to Camp Victory in the morning. It was neat, but kind of hard to take. Being at Camp Victory summer camp was a difficult reminder that there is no more Camp Peace summer camp, and Camp Victory really isn’t… ‘my camp’. That’s the feeling I had from it all anyways.

I left around lunch and headed over to Camp Freedom to say good-bye to my lovely room mate and visit with her kids.

Then I went downtown to fulfill a promise to a certain little girl.

I knocked on the yellow door that I was told belonged to her.
She didn’t answer so I waited outside and chatted with some adorable little ‘Camp Peace’ kids.

I kept knocking, and waiting, and chatting.

I prayed, “Lord God, I really felt you wanted me to be here. If you have something for me to do with this little girl, you need to open the door. Literally this time.”

I messaged her on my phone and she said she was home. I knocked again and she came out.

We walked down the street and I asked how she was doing. She told me her brother had been going to take her to a movie. She was sad to have lost him, but she was being strong, she knew he would want her to.

She didn’t cry. I wanted to.

She told me about how some people didn’t like her brother, but she knew he was good. He was good to her. She told me about the funeral. She told me about how she was scared for school to start, seemingly she had a pretty tough teacher. Lots of teachers were at the funeral. She missed her brother, but she was being strong.

We ate at KFC and then we went and sat on a bench and talked some more.

I asked her about my ‘Little Best Friend’, I’d been praying and praying that I’d see him, but he was gone with his cousins. She said that after her brother died he’d laughed at her and made an awful comment. Then the next day he’d talked to her as if it was all ok.

I told her how sad that made me, since I’d seen him change so much in the time I knew him, since he’d met Jesus. I told her that the way he copes with sadness is to make mean jokes, just like her way is to stay strong. I told her how I hoped Jesus would help him change.

Then we started talking about Jesus. I told her about when he had become a Christian and I told her all about how Christ came to save us and all we had to do was asking for forgiveness and for Him to take over our lives.

“I’m asking.” she said.

It was lost on me, “Asking what?” I was waiting for the question she was asking me.

I waited.
Silly me.

No, she was asking Jesus.

Over and over I’m reminded that God doesn’t need me. I had no intention of asking this hurting little girl if she’d like to accept Christ, not in this vulnerable state. I thought I’d just throw out the gospel in the form of my our mutual friend’s testimony and let it sit with her. But with the faith only a child has she knew that it made sense and she asked.

We talked a bit more about what it means to live for God.
Then I walked her home and ran off to catch my train.

God is good.

Soon after my family went ‘up north’ to the cottage for a couple of weeks. On the way home we stopped in Toronto and I dropped off a Birthday present for a little boy whose party I couldn’t manage to get to.

When I got home Pipes was hoping to go to Toronto for a day trip, to see the Victory kids end of the summer ‘Community Night’. I’d told the street leaders that if the opportunity came up I would go, so I said I was in.

I spent a week at the Pipes’ house and we went up for the one day to see the kids. They were amazing. Of course. It was well worth it.

At the end of my time with Pipes my mom came to pick me up. I was in the car on the way home when I prayed, ‘Ok God, I’m ready for a job now. I’d really like to start working. Now please just show me how you want this to work, the way that will bring you the most glory. If that’s me working my butt of for a job, I’ll do it, but if you have something else in mind, show me.”

The next morning I woke up and walked into the kitchen and my mom said, “I found the perfect job for you! There was a sign at the gas station…”

A gas station? Perfect job for me? Hm.

“There was a sign that said they’re looking for some one who’s taking a year off, and saving for University to work full-time days. So, drop off your resume today, and they want references.”

So, there it was. A job description that fit me pretty darn well. When I went in for my interview I had pretty much already been hired based on a good reference and she was just putting face to the name.

God had my job ready for me. And He let me say good-bye to Toronto in all the ways I needed to. He’s so good I can’t even believe it some times.

I’ve been writing this for a while, but I decided I HAD to finish it tonight because NANOWRIMO starts in a couple of hours and I’m participating so I surely won’t have time for blog posts. I’ll have to be writing about 1,667 words per day all month. I’ll likely pick up blogging again in December.

Yesterday it rained all day.

I started work at 6am and pumped gas in the rain until 3pm. When it was slow the girl I was working with taught me a card game. I don’t usually like card games, but really like it. It was fun. I think it was called Gin? I got that old ‘raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red…” song stuck in my head. No one expected me to be happy, but I was, and I told them so.

When I got home I showered, put on some extra layers of clothing and went back out the door. My dad offered me his rain coat, but I’d been wearing one all day, so I stuck with my yellow hoodie. It wasn’t raining very hard. I went to the park. It’s pretty there when it’s raining, and less crowded than on sunny days.

Yesterday was fantastic.

Today the sun came out.

I didn’t know what to expect when I left the house at 5:45. There isn’t usually sun by that time. But sure enough, the sun came up today. I suppose it came up yesterday as well, but I sure didn’t see it. I played cards and pumped gas until ten and then a different co-worker came in.

No one could comment on the beautiful weather without griping about the day before. It seemed like they wanted to dwell on yesterday, on the rain. “It’s such a nice day isn’t it, oh my, not like YESTERDAY? That was awful wasn’t it?” I told them I hadn’t minded it, it had been all right with me. I wonder if they realize they wouldn’t have appreciated that sun if they hadn’t had a day of rain. My sister and the most beautiful baby in the world came to see me, and my co-worker worked a little extra so I could hold her for a minute. I got free chips, and my sister bought me a doughnut.

Now I need to shower, then I think I’ll head over to the park. I’ve been asking Jesus for sunshine for a couple days, so I think I’ll go thank Him for awhile.

Thus far, today’s been a pretty fantastic day.

I will praise the Lord at all times.
I will constantly speak his praises.

I will boast only in the Lord;
let all who are helpless take heart.

Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;
let us exalt his name together.

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Psalms 34:1-5 (NLT)

I’ve been working on a post to sum up my summer. I feel neglectful when God blesses me so greatly and I don’t give Him the glory… via blog post. So I’ll get on that soon.

If a picture says a thousand words I want to be able to draw out each one. To arrange the words so perfectly on my canvas that the image stands clear and vivid. To transfer this picture from my mind to yours by merely tracing out letter after letter.

Perfect word after perfect word, forming perfect sentence after perfect sentence.

For the words to draw you in. Draw you into more than the visual.

So that you are no longer at some distant place looking into the picture but the words become a pathway guiding you into and throughout it.

_

]]> http://rumourweiler.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/to-write/feed/ 1 Rumour Sunlit_Trees_by_d0rky_0ne http://rumourweiler.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/filled/ http://rumourweiler.wordpress.com/2010/06/15/filled/#comments Wed, 16 Jun 2010 03:08:04 +0000 Ruthmary (Rumour) Weiler http://rumourweiler.wordpress.com/?p=559 Continue reading →]]>

I was sitting reading earlier when my dad asked if I had a recycling bin in my room. It’s recycle night. I ran over to my room to retrieve the bin and heard music from Phil’s room above mine. I stopped, wondering what adolescent junk he might be listening to, I underestimated this adolescent. The song was ‘The Motions’ by Matthew West, I nodded in approval and continued with my recycling.

Later I caught myself humming the song to myself so I decided to play it.

I don’t wanna go through the motions,
I don’t wanna go one more day,
Without your all consuming passion inside of me…

As I stood and listened I had a strange feeling. In Toronto when I heard that song I could smile, give an ‘Amen!’ and continue about my business. When I was in Toronto if someone told me they didn’t know where to serve God I would have told them, “Oh, serve Him everywhere and in everything of course!” It seemed obvious there, as I woke up in the morning and knew much of His call on my day. I knew the people I was called to serve. The children and their families knew that I did what I did because I love Jesus and I loved them. That made it easy.

I thought of the line: “Without your all consuming passion inside of me” And my mind wandered to another thing that’s been confusing me.

On the last day that I was in Toronto I went to Toronto Alliance Church. It’d been my home away from home, or church away from.. my home church rather. It was Pentecost Sunday and Pastor Bill spoke on being filled with the Holy Spirit. At the end the congregation prayed for each other and sang: “Jesus O Jesus, come and fill your lambs”. It was a beautiful service.

When I got home I was babysitting my niece and my sister told me to read her book, “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. A book about the Holy Spirit. I read it and returned quickly as she’d been reading it.

Then there was the second Sunday after I was home, the first where my pastor had spoken since my return. There in my small town Baptist church my pastor spoke about the Holy Spirit, even about being filled by the Spirit. When the sermon had ended we sang our closing hymn and tears streamed down my face: “Jesus O Jesus, come and fill your lambs”

God is so in control, and so capable of driving His point home.
Sometimes I think I miss the application part of His lessons though.

Have I changed since God brought this all to my attention? Am I more Spirit-filled? More aware of His guidance? His presence? I’m not sure.

I am however quite sure that He won’t stop teaching what He needs me to know any time soon.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

- John 15:4

Two ‘finallys’ in two days. My mom finally came to ‘Camp Peace’ (or what became mine and Timo’s Camp Peace after the real one closed), and my mom FINALLY wrote a guest blog. Be blessed my friends:

Let me tell you about my weekend…

With great anticipation May 2-4 approached: Ruthie was coming home. Not that she wanted to come home, but after her two full years at Urban Promise Toronto it was time. For the entire time she was in Toronto we said that I was going to go visit. If you’ve been following her blog you know her well. And her love for the people in the communities where she has worked. You also accompanied her through the heartache of leaving Camp Peace and then watched as she fell in love with a new group of kids at Camp Victory.

So the time had came….. I was headed for Toronto to bring my daughter home.

I arrived at her intern director’s house at the appointed time. When it came time to leave I watched as the goodbyes started. Everyone was doing quite well until little Eli (who is four) figured out that Rumour would not be back and the tears started flowing. All the interns were there, some who were returning to UP to start summer program in a few weeks. Others who were headed back to their hometowns (and home countries) to begin their own new adventures. Everyone realized that things were going to be very different.

So Ruthie and her room-mates got in the van and we left for Jane and Finch. We stopped at the grocery store; for the past two years I have often wondered if Ruthie was eating right, or even if she was eating at all…… although they all looked quite healthy. We picked up supper and headed to the apartment.

In the evening we found my great-niece who is settling into Toronto for the summer as her cousin is leaving. She helped us pack up Ruthie’s two years of memories and of course I was pleased to be able to feed her (and the intern boys from down the hall) before we took her back to her place. Sleeping on Ruthie’s lumpy futon was an experience, although I’m not sure I did much sleeping.

Sunday morning arrived. Even though Camp Peace had closed Ruthie and the other interns had continued to go downtown on Sundays to pick up kids and take them to the Toronto Alliance Church. Today I would be part of that amazing routine. We packed up the van. She said her final good-byes to her room-mates, which was hard, but they both live in Southern Ontario so she’ll see them again (maybe soon). We drove to Yorkdale Mall to park the car and catch the subway to downtown.

As we were getting out of the van I looked down at my feet, where my dress shoes looked back up at me. They matched my tan slacks. “Ruthie I probably should change to more comfortable shoes eh?” So we got my black ones out “mom black goes with everything”. They really aren’t bad shoes, but with the tan slacks???? One of Ruthie’s little girls later said “My grandma has shoes like that. She has size 10 feet …You do too?” It was kind of cute, because at that point she took my hand.

And there was walking. Around the mall, to the subway, off the subway, under the tunnel to connect to the streetcar. Ruthie’s old intern partner Spencer and a couple of people from TAC were waiting for us as we got off the streetcar. Then to the neighbourhoods. Knocking on doors, the question “Are you coming to church?” At first lots of “No not today“….with Ruthie saying “well this is the last time I’ll be here” and then an extra hug good-bye.

Forty-five minutes later we were sitting in the second and third rows at TAC. Seven beautiful little kids among us. As the singing began I explained what was happening to the little boy beside me. He is only four and I don’t know if he had ever been in a service before. He said “I like ‘twinkle twinkle little star.’ ” If they had asked for favourites I would have suggested it; after all we do know who made those stars! They were great for the first twenty minutes then most of them got a little restless for the next twenty. (Okay they were really restless) but then they went out to Sunday School.

It apparently was Pentecost Sunday. And the pastor quietly entreated us to ask that the Holy Spirit fill us, so that we could experience God’s power and see Him work in our lives. People all through the church responded, and on this day of good-byes I realized again that as we love and serve Christ, yes, there are changes, but each day brings new and exciting experiences.

As the pastor spoke of the disciples speaking in languages, unknown to them, but understood by people in the crowd who were from different countries, I wondered if there was a language that the people from the Alexander Park community would understand. And then it hit me that the reason those little kids were at church there that morning is because the UP interns had been open to what the Lord would do in their lives. The fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness and self-control, has been present in the neighbourhood. The language of God’s love is one that all of us broken people can understand. It is very exciting that Spencer is going to be an intern at TAC and the kids will still have him. I am sure others from the church will allow the Lord to speak through them and use them to reach out to those kids and their parents.

Our time downtown ended with pizza (complete with a rendition of “Jesus is my superhero” in Pizza Pizza) and donuts, and visiting in the courtyard with the kids and a few of their amazing moms. I watched as Ruthie said her good-byes. I heard the moms tell me how much they love my daughter and how special she has been to them and the kids. And we were off to catch the streetcar, to get to the subway, to get to the van, to start the long drive home.

Please pray for Ruthie, that she’ll find out where the Lord wants her to be and serve, after this regrouping time at home. Pray for Spencer, as he will be officially ministering again in the neighbourhood. Pray for TAC and their presence there. And if you know Him, ask the Lord what hearts He would use you to minister to.

And all of the beautiful people that have the privilege of calling you home.

We were singing that at my church in downtown Toronto yesterday.
I realized something that I thought was kind of ironic.

Right now, the end of the earth that I’m being called to is… my hometown.

I love Toronto.
A lot.

But right now I really feel that God wants me to go home. I’m excited to be with my family. Plus I know there’s a lot of things I have to learn that are best learned there. I also have high hopes for lots of Jesus time in there in the midst of family and working.

I’ve got a little less then a week left in this city. It’s almost time to say good bye to my Victory kids, to try to see some of my Peace kids one last time before I leave, and part from friends who have become family over the last three years of my life.

Then it’s Kingsville. Finding a job. Getting my license. Growing up a little.

Learning from the wisdom of my parents. Hanging out with little Philip-ay. Bothering Ronald and Toady. Getting to know my not-nearly-as -little-as-last-time-I-saw-her niece.

And serving Jesus right where I am, in my little hometown.

I think I might be ready for this.
We’ll see.

God, what is your will for my life?

Last week in Intern class our director wrote “What is God’s will for my life?” on the board and then left the room to allow us freedom to discuss. How do we know God’s will for our lives?

Usually when in a group of young adults looking at the idea of God’s will I see nothing but confusion. People waiting for God to give them a revelation that will send them towards their vocation  and hopefully the perfect school to prepare for it at.

The interns this year are great. Really it’s such a godly group, I’m so blessed to be a part of it.

Anyways, I was thinking about how much confusion I see around the topic so I thought I’d share some of the things we talked about that day:

-God’s shown us some of His will already – in His word. If we’re waiting on His will and not following what He’s already said we have a problem.

-God has given us gifts, skills and talents. He’s also given us desires in our hearts. He wants us to use them for His glory. He wants us to be who He made us to be. (So in seeking His will, we’re also seeking to see who He made us.)

-Sometimes God will give us times when we are supposed to wait on Him. Not every time will be like this.

-God doesn’t want us to sit around waiting for His will and doing nothing for His kingdom while we wait. Not many of us felt a specific calling to Urban Promise. We saw that God was working there and we joined in.

-Being at Urban Promise doesn’t mean that we’re already ‘in God’s will’ and don’t have to seek it any longer. We should wake up each morning and ask how we can join in his work THAT DAY.

-We should be prayerful about everything we do and make sure that it lines up with scripture.

-Speaking of which:

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” -James 4:13

So, from that we see that we shouldn’t think that we have solid plans. We should always be open to God changing the plans we have and bringing about His will in that way. (My dad says that we don’t use the phrase: “Lord willing,” as a close to explaining our plans enough anymore.)

By the end of our class we had changed the question all together, the question we as interns want to ask is this:

God, what is your will for my DAY?